


The Devil and the Baby

by SnufflesWrites



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Babysitting, Diapers, F/M, Fluffuary 2020, Food Fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:13:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22064563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnufflesWrites/pseuds/SnufflesWrites
Summary: The Lord of Hell has seen and survived countless horrors since creation. But tonight he's tasked with the impossible; babysitting his nephew.  Will he survive this night,  or will the greatest foe he has yet to face best him?
Relationships: Amenadiel/Linda Martin (Lucifer TV), Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 60
Kudos: 222





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to Miah_Author for being such a lovely beta, and helping me with everything regarding babies cuz I'm clueless!

Lucifer! How many times have I told you to not go through my phone?” the Detective asked, exasperated.

She came around the corner phone in hand. Lucifer continued with the dishes with only a slight shrug as a response.

“Detective, I thought you’d appreciate more photos of yours truly when the paperwork gets boring,” he indicated one in the long list of her gallery. “I’m particularly satisfied with that one. Took me five minutes to find the right angle that shows both my biceps, and my-”

“And if Trixie had found this while finding a YouTube video to play on the tv?” she tried to breathe deeply, as she so often did when angered.

“I’ve been telling you that she deserves her own telephone by now Detective, she’s in middle school after all. Isn’t it popular for children to have them by then?” he scrubbed the dirty plates in the sink. 

Chloe leaned on the bar. “Lucifer, we talked about this, not until High School, she doesn’t need to deal with cyber bullying,”

“Contrary to what you might think Detective, I’m aware that children will continue to say things about her online whether she has a phone or not. Wouldn’t it be better for her to know what they’re saying about her so she knows the right people to punish?”

“No! End of discussion…” she looked at the phone sideways, checking out one of the pictures when she thought Lucifer was looking away. Ass shot? He grinned, saving that information for later.

He heard his phone ring from his jacket pocket hanging by the stairs. After placing the last plate in the sink, he started to walk over to it, but the Detective had already swiped it from his pocket. 

“Detective?” Lucifer asked, holding out his hand.

She considered. Biting her lip. Then she looked at it with wide eyes. He never locked it, so she easily accessed it and started typing furiously, before hitting send and handing it back. A wide grin crossed her face. 

“Maybe now you’ll learn the consequences of taking someone's phone,” she laughed, and kissed him on the cheek before going to fetch Trixie for her sleepover that night.

He stared at his phone. Fear, very much like what he’d experienced in the depths of Hell began to course through him as he read the messages.

_Amenadiel : Hey Luci, Linda and I decided to take your advice and go on a date night, but our babysitter caught the flu. Is there any way you could watch Charlie tonight?_

_Lucifer: Sure, I’ll be at the Detective’s house, see you at 7?_

_Amenadiel: :O You’re a lifesaver! Thank you!_


	2. Charlie Arrives

The doorbell rang in no time at all. Lucifer paced as Chloe answered the door. He heard some sort of compliment on attire, some discussion on what movie they would be seeing, what dinner, blah, blah, blah. What he couldn’t ignore was the sound of wheels. A gurgle. A high pitched laugh, and the aaaws that always followed those disgusting creatures. He paid it no mind, instead focusing on the rug that he kept tracking up and down. Blue, to match the curtains, a gift he’d given the Detective when they’d commited to one another. The sense of betrayal felt heavy on his shoulders.

“Is he okay?” Amenadiel asked. 

Trepedacius footsteps echoed in the hallway headed towards him. He paused, and corrected his posture.

“Brother!” he exclaimed merrily. 

Amenadiel was wearing… _a suit_ … Lucifer blinked, caught off guard by the formal attire. 

“You look… um…” his eyes darted towards Linda, sporting a handsome dress, but his glance didn’t remain long as he saw the stroller she was pushing further into the sanctity of the Detective’s home. His eyes quickly fell back to Amenadiel, and he tried to bury the fear he was sure was clearly visible.

“Is everything all right Luci?” Amenadiel asked, reading his brother like one of those bloody ancient books he was always so passionate about. “If you want to back out…”

“We’re fine!” Chloe piped up, coming to stand beside him, hand greeting his. “You guys go and have a good time, Charlie is in safe hands,” she smiled up at Lucifer. He swallowed, what felt like dry sandpaper.

“Yes, fine,” he said, lips forming a thin line.

“Okay. If you’re sure,” 

Chloe looked back to the stroller, still smiling, but there was a hesitation behind it now. “I’m sure. You guys have a good time,”

“Okay, let me walk you through…” Linda started to say, laying down a bag.

“I’ve had one Linda, trust me he’s going to be fine here,” 

The creature gargled a wet sound from the back of its throat. Lucifer stared.

“You guys have a good time!” she shooed them out the door before they could second guess themselves any further. 

It was just them now… them and… that thing…it gurgled again, looking very pleased with itself. 

“If you want to get dinner I can watch-”

“They had my word Detective,” he interjected.

“Lucifer, I was just playing with you. I never really intended for you to watch-”

“My word is my bond. If I’m to take care of this… child… I’ll do my utmost best,”

Chloe rolled her eyes. “Like you’d be able to do that,”

He felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle at the insinuation. “Are you challenging me Detective?” 

She burst out in a fit of laughter. “Lucifer, it was a joke! I never expected you to actually watch him. I’m sure they didn’t either! Trust me, I can handle the baby, you can go find something for us to eat,”

Lucifer shook his head, muscles coiled tightly. “I have a punishment to face Detective. And I’ll face it gladly,”

“The punishment was to get you riled up-” her hand met his shoulder. His gaze followed the contact. “Trust me Lucifer, you don’t need to do this if you don’t want to,”

“They’re counting on me Detective,” 

Her eyes drew wide, and she nodded, understanding that there was no way she would talk him out of this. 

“Okay… fine… I’ll be in the other room, if you have any questions, just ask. I’ll be happy to answer,”

He nodded, meeting the beast’s gaze once more. It laughed. The creature had the gall to laugh at him! He held back his anger, and walked towards the stroller. It held its hands up, as if ready to be picked up. His eyes looked over the creature. It was nearly double the size from the last time he’d laid eyes on it. He grabbed the little wriggly thing by one arm, before dropping it on the ground, retreating from it. 

The creature blinked, bleary eyes wandered the room. A delighted look crossed its face, and it began to crawl towards the table.

“No, no… where are you going?!” Lucifer exclaimed, panicked. 

“Baba!” it shouted, its pace quickening. 

Lucifer followed, arms held out, watching with a tense stance, ready to bolt if necessary.

“Is everything all right?” Chloe called from the kitchen.

“It moves Detective!” Lucifer exclaimed, watching as the creature made it to the stairs.

“Well yeah, Charlie’s about a year old now. It wouldn’t surprise me if he could walk some,” 

Lucifer’s brows knit in concern. The child hobbled up onto its legs! Standing! It grabbed the first stair, and pushed its way up, little legs wiggling as they pressed against the carpeted stairwell until he was up the first step. It started on the second.

“Apparently it can climb stairs too,” Lucifer noted, watching with trepidation. 

These creatures from what he’d learned, were fragile, prone to injury. But the wretched little thing wanted to struggle up the stairs, so he wasn’t about to stop it. 

“What?!” he heard from the kitchen. “Did you say climb the stairs?! Lucifer, grab him,”

The creature was determined, as it wriggled its way up the second stair. Perhaps this would slow down its enormous supply of energy? Lucifer chose not to heed the Detective’s advice as it continued to climb higher and higher.

“Lucifer?” she asked, concerned by the lack of response.

“It seems pretty determined to climb Detective,” he explained. Now it was already halfway up the staircase, and still, the bundle of energy kept on.

Her footsteps came from the kitchen. “Oh my God, Lucifer, grab him!”

“This has nothing to do with my Father Detective, if this wretched little creature wants to crawl up the stairs it has the right to do so,”

“You’re not seriously using the ‘free will’ argument on a baby are you?” Chloe asked. Her hands reached for the infant, but Lucifer swatted them away. 

“This is my responsibility Detective. I’ll see to it that the creature doesn’t die,”

She backed off looking horrified as he continued to follow the bumbling beast all the way up the stairwell.

“What’s for dinner Detective?” he asked in an attempt to shoo her away so he could better watch the monster.

“Uh… right, i need to sear the meat… just… be careful?” 

“Tell that to it,” Lucifer indicated the child. 

Chloe sighed, and skirted back into the kitchen.

When Charlie completed the last step, he sat, with a triumphant look in his little eyes. Then, he squinted, and burped. Before getting up and crawling towards the bedroom.

Lucifer followed, 

It came around the corner, and spotted a pile of dirty laundry laying on the floor. Laundry, that Lucifer had remembered him and the Detective peeling off the night before, caught up with one another. In particular, the infant seemed fascinated by the Detective’s bra. It grabbed it, feeling the fabric’s softness in its hands… then… it… stuck the item in its mouth… 

“Well don’t do that!” Lucifer instructed.

“Bwaha!” Charlie answered. Saliva gurgled out of its mouth, and ran down its chin, spilling onto his expensive Armani shirt it was sitting on. A satisfied expression gleamed in the thing’s eyes.

“Not my Armani!” he said. “Look, why don’t we go downstairs and I can read… or… something?” he implored.

The creature babbled again, the underwire of the bra started to escape the seam. Nothing made sense from the creature’s mouth. Almost as if the language it was trying to speak was indecipherable.

“Child, what if I offer you cake? Would that suffice?” 

The child closed its eyes, ignoring him. But that argument still often worked on the Detective’s offspring. Why wouldn’t it here? He sighed, rolling his hand through his hair.

The seam was eventually ripped apart, and the child proceeded to pull the plastic from it. There was no reasoning with this beast. Unless…

“Come now, surely there must be something you desire?” Lucifer made eye contact, hoping that his ability would work on the half angel child.

But it just blinked, and started to crawl away with the plastic still in its mouth. Lucifer was impressed on the strength of Charlie’s teeth. The plastic looked half eaten now.

He heard footsteps running rapidly up the stairs.

Charlie stopped, and squinted tightly. It made a motion of struggle, then a satisfied smile followed. Lucifer tilted his head in confusion before… the smell!

“Hey is everything... My bra!” Chloe grabbed the plastic from the creature’s mouth. 

It cried. Loudly. 

“Detective!” Lucifer scolded.

“What? You were going to let him choke!” she said back.

The crying grew louder. Lucifer put hands over his ears. “Well at least it wasn’t crying before, now look what you’ve gone and done!”

“Lucifer, I don’t think that’s why he’s crying…” Chloe pinched her nose. “You wanted responsibility? Why don’t you change him?”

“What?”

The screams and the smells permeated the room. 

Chloe stood up and left him… alone… with this awful smelling vermin…


	3. The Diaper

Lucifer held the creature by its armpits, as far away from him as his arms could reach. It wriggled, and struggled against his grip, but Lucifer held firm, not willing to let the thing near him. Screams echoed down the stairwell, as the Devil rushed to get back to the Detective.

“Detective! Please! I can’t-”

“Not in the kitchen Lucifer!” the woman’s voice was strong and firm, causing him to stop in his tracks at the entrance to the kitchen. Fresh vegetables adorned the bar that he was holding the screaming, wriggling urchin above. “Get out!” 

He did as prompted, flummoxed. “But-”

“Her bag is on the couch, take Charlie to the bathroom Lucifer. You’ll just have to change him,”

“This task was a popular weapon the demons used in Hell, Detective. The things I’ve seen these wretched beasts do... Why am I the one being tortured?”

Chloe laughed. “Look, it's not fun, but this isn’t Hell, I’m sure it's not going to be that bad. Charlie should know the routine by now. Just take him to the bathroom, take the diaper off, wipe him, put the new one on, then you’re golden,”

“You want me to wipe this creature’s arse?”

Chloe glared at him. How was it that her commands were something he could never refuse? He swallowed. The crying grew louder than before. “Very well,” he said in a tone of defeat. “I’ll do my best,”

He walked with the creature to the downstairs bathroom and placed it in the tub. It continued to cry as he went into the living room, grabbed the bag off the couch, then paused. Taking a cue from his Hellish experiences, he rolled up the sleeves of his Gucci shirt, hoping it would survive. In the corner of his eye he caught sight of a worried looking Detective, sneaking a peek towards him when she thought he wasn’t looking. He didn’t want to let her down. 

He started opening the bag, while entering the bathroom. The child quieted at the sound of the zipper. Perhaps they were trainable after all? Then why didn’t anyone just train them to go outside like a dog? He sighed at the ignorance of humans, and pulled one of the disposable excrement holders out of the bag and studied it. He fumbled with the sticky sides, trying to grasp an understanding of how the wretched items worked, occasionally he’d look in the direction of the child, studying the one he wore. After destroying three of the diapers, Lucifer finally understood how the awful things were supposed to fasten. Sighing heavily, he turned his attention back to the creature.

“Better now than never,” 

He pulled the bathroom trash can towards the bathtub, and lay the creature on its back. The little monster wriggled its arms and feet happily in the air, looking like a turtle turned on its shell. He peeled it off, and the smell wafted from the crevices of the fabric straight into the Devil’s nose. Lucifer quickly disposed of the nasty garment, and closed the trash can. A wrenching sensation bowled through him, that he fought desperately to keep it in. Not having much luck in that department, he opened the toilet bowl and proceeded to vomit within it. That had never happened to him before. This disgusting beast had caused him to _actually_ become sick with disgust. The Devil. 

“Lucifer?” he heard from outside. “Is everything o-”

“Fine Detective,” he replied. Eyes now staring down his most mortal foe. “Just fine,” he contemplated ways he could punish the creature.

But Charlie was elated. He’d managed to sit back up, truly free, and began exploring the contents of the bathtub. The substance trailed down the creature's legs as it moved until it merged with the tub. The beast was covered nearly head to toe. That dog creature was far less foul and that had been a major infraction itself.

Lucifer dug into the bag, letting torturous ideas fester and twirl in his mind. Nothing he’d ever act on, the creature was entirely innocent… too innocent… curses were murmured in the back of his mind when he finally found the wipes. He pulled one out of the pack, and approached the wretched creature once more. 

Charlie found a bar of soap, and proceeded to put it in his mouth. Its eyes closed as if it was savoring the flavor as if it were candy.

Ignoring this, Lucifer grabbed the creature and laid it down on its back. Charlie began crying again, the soap falling from its mouth, as Lucifer ran the wipe up and down the thing. More of the disgusting brown merged with the cloth. He also wiped out the bathtub, fighting the wrenching sensations from his guy. Finished, he threw the wipe into into the trash can. He pulled the bag out of the can, tied it up, and tossed it near the door.

Lucifer proceeded to lay out the fresh diaper at the base of the tub, then looked to the bloody urchin.

“The Detective says you know how this is done, now get in the bloody diaper,” he pointed to the unfolded object, waiting for the creature to lay down in proper position. Instead, Charlie looked up at him as if listening, before picking up the soap and jamming it into his mouth again. “Lay down or you will not leave this bathroom,”

The infant stood up, chewing on the bar of soap It looked around the tub, and reached its little wiggly arms for a bottle of shampoo. After attempting one step on the slippery surface, the creature fell back to its rump. It started crying loudly once more, the soap falling out of its mouth.

“These incessant creatures are worse than any of the hellspawn!” Lucifer said from his tightened jaw.

He grabbed the naked creature with two hands under the armpits once more, the creature continued to cry and started to struggle against Lucifer’s grip, until it realized that it could now balance in the tub without falling over. The little feet started to dance towards the shampoo bottle again.

“Let’s make a deal shall we? Lay down with your rear in the diaper, and I’ll give you the shampoo,” his eyes met the child’s, who looked at him longingly.

“Da…” it replied.

“Very good, now lay down,”

Remarkably, the child did as instructed. A swoop of pride ran through his stomach, as Lucifer clasped the diaper into place. Once secure, he handed the bottle over to the infant.

Charlie’s little fingers began to play with the plastic lid like it was a toy. Lucifer grabbed the bag full of the disgusting material, and headed out of the bathroom.

Chloe watched him from the safety of her kitchen. “How’d it go?” she asked.

But he didn’t respond, instead he made a bee-line out the door to throw the trash away in the outside bin. After disposing of the material, he felt a shiver of disgust course through him in waves. He’d never speak of this despicable act again, and wondered how many times his poor brother had managed to struggle through it. With a heavy sigh, he returned inside, awaiting the next disaster that was surely to arise. 

He returned to the washroom, intent on cleaning his hands that were still coated with remnants of the material he was sure would fester on his skin for weeks to come. 

Chloe was there, glaring at him, holding up a now empty bottle of shampoo. Charlie watched with glee in his eyes, covered head to toe in the slippery substance. It looked as if she'd wiped some of it away near his face. 

“What did you do?” she asked.

“I made a deal,” Lucifer turned on the sink, and began the process of scrubbing, there could never be enough scrubbing.

“Lucifer this stuff is toxic,” she replied, her gaze was serious and fierce.

“I don’t understand, clearly the creature obviously enjoys the taste of soap,” Lucifer began to scrub for a second time, all the way up to his elbow. “Detective, he wanted the shampoo so I gave it to him. Otherwise he never would have cooperated with me to get that bloody diaper attached to his rear. That is what you wanted, yes?”

“He…he was eating soap?” she sighed, placing her fingers to her temple, as if she were trying to find a way to word this correctly.” Amenadiel, and Linda are counting on us to keep him safe,”

Lucifer cocked his head. “It is safe, Detective,”

“ _He_ ,” she corrected him. “Charlie is a _he_ ,”

“Also an angel, that really wanted that shampoo bottle for some reason unbeknownst to me,”

Chloe sighed again. “Well dinner’s ready, but Charlie’s going to need a bath before we can eat. Why don’t you let me-”

“It's my responsibility Detective, I’ll handle the incessant creature,”

“Fine,” Chloe said, knowing that she couldn’t win against his stubbornness. “But I’m supervising this time, no doing this on your own anymore. No making deals with a baby. No ‘free will’ arguments. Give him a bath, get him in a new diaper. I’ll walk you through what to do,”

Lucifer laughed. “I don’t need a coach,”

Her arms crossed, and she glared at him. There was no winning against that look. He felt his shoulders tense in anxiety. 

“Fine,” 

“Deal?” she corrected, knowing now how powerful words were with him.

He sighed, “Deal,”


	4. Bathtime

She watched him closely as he turned on the water. He felt her judgmental eyes boring into the back of his head as Charlie delightedly began to splash around. Some of the water splashed onto his shirt. 

He gritted his teeth in frustration, “Stop that,”

“Bwaa!” the creature declared with a wide grin on his face.

A laugh trickled from behind him. 

“You think this is funny Detective?” he turned to meet her gaze. 

“Oh Lucifer, he’s just having fun,” 

“ _Fun?!_ This is a bath it's not about _fun,_ ”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Really? You mean you’ve never had fun in the shower, or the bath? Not even this morning?”

He paused, conceding to her point. They’d had a lot of fun together that morning in her shower. 

“Okay, fine, yes. But does it have to involve ruining my Gucci?”

“Babaaa!” the creature screamed again.

Chloe laughed.

“This isn’t funny Detective,”

“It kind of is. Look if you’re so worried about ruining your shirt why don’t you go change into something more comfortable… or... “ she blushed. “you could just take it off,”

He blinked. Did this… turn her on? He shivered in disgust at the thought.

“Fine. I’ll be right back,” he stood up from where he’d been stooping, noticing the blush in her cheeks, the bile in his mouth began to return.

After slipping into a pair of sleeping trousers, and a robe, he ran down the steps two at a time, and turned the corner to find the Detective… cooing at the vile abomination.

“Who’s gonna play with da water? Uh huh, you are!” 

It laughed merrily. 

Lucifer cleared his throat, and Chloe turned to look at him. There was a brightness in her eyes and she nearly looked like she was glowing. She really did enjoy this didn’t she? A worry began to grow in his chest at the thought. Surely she didn’t expect this to become a normal occurrence?

Her expression changed, seeing his disapproval. She stood up. “You coming?” 

He slipped past her, sizing her reactions up and down as he did so. She did the same with him. A silent tension permeated the room. He shut the water off, and dug in the bag to find the shampoo Linda had provided.

“Gahaa!” Charlie raised his hands at the sight of a bottle he was obviously familiar with . 

“I’ll need that soap that you nearly consumed in its entirety,” he reached for the bar.

“No Lucifer,” Chloe said, placing a hand on his. He looked up, noticing the softness in her gaze. “Just the shampoo,”

“Fine,” he pulled his hand away from hers, trying to push against those oddly attracted signs of hers.

He spritzed some of the shampoo out of the bottle and began to lather it in his palms. He could feel the Detective’s warm presence still far too close, and caught sight of a strand of her golden locks hanging over his shoulder.

“Do you mind, Detective?”

Wordlessly he could feel the space between them grow. He withheld another shiver, and proceeded to lather the urchin. 

Charlie was delighted at the feel of contact, and tried to meet Lucifer’s eyes with a very satisfied smile on his face. But it soothed under his touch, and didn’t fight or struggle.

“Aaw, he likes you,”

Lucifer froze at the gooey comment. He turned to glare at her. “You’re enjoying this aren’t you?”

Her smile faded away as she saw the tenseness of his posture. “Are you all right?”

He remained silent, turning back to the task. 

The creature looked at him, now with worry. It could tell that he was upset. It reached one of its tiny little hands and met his arm. 

“Ba,” the creature said.

“I’m fine,” Lucifer grit through his teeth.

“Baba,” beady little eyes desperately tried to meet his again. 

He began on the other side of the urchin, moving his arms away from the thing’s hands. 

“Ba!” it demanded.

“What?!” Lucifer scolded.

The creature turned around, finally meeting his eyes. 

“Bada bla” it grabbed his arm again, showing him something that looked like sympathy. The eyes were big, and had the annoying softness of his brother’s. 

“Turn around urchin,” 

“Ba bla da,” it answered.

He sighed, “Another deal then is it hm? Fine, turn around and let me finish, then we’ll let you free to roam around as you please,”

“We need to eat,” Chloe whispered behind him.

“Then we’ll feed you, not that you didn’t already have a mouthful of that bar of soap. Do we have a deal?”

“Da!” the creature responded.

“Good, now turn around,” 

The creature did as instructed.

“How do you do that?” Chloe asked. 

Lucifer looked up.. “No one turns down a deal with the devil… Well… With you as an exception, of course,”

“Right…” she stared at Charlie, amazed.

Lucifer went back to the task, finishing in very little time. He pulled the stopper of the bathtub, and proceeded to dry the creature as the water drained. Once that was done, it took very little effort to instruct the child into another diaper.

“That’s so not fair,” Chloe commented as he finished sticking the last piece of the diaper.

“What’s not?” he asked.

“I mean, you just ask him to do something and he does it, I mean… he’s a baby, do you think he even understands you?” 

“Ba,” Charlie answered.

“I think the little miscreant just answered your question Detective,” 

She looked at Charlie as if it had two heads. “Angels…” she muttered. 

Lucifer looked at the creature confused.

“Bee va!” it said to him.

“Dinner’s probably cold,” she left for the kitchen


	5. Dinnertime

They set up in the kitchen. Charlie was placed in a chair that Linda had provided. Chloe was seated beside Lucifer who looked at the child warily. He held a spoonful of the chicken pot pie she’d prepared. 

“That’s it, now act like its an airplane or… you know, a bird in flight or something,” Chloe instructed.

Lucifer looked at her like she’d grown a pair of horns. “Detective, I doubt my brother would devolve himself to some form of animal for the sake of his offspring,”

Chloe shrugged. “You’d be surprised what a lot of sleep deprivation can do. You know they did away with a night nurse after… well… the Mayan,”

“I’m aware Detective,” Lucifer said. 

He started flailing the spoon around as instructed feeling ashamed the whole time, without much enthusiasm about the prospect. He heard Chloe stifle a laugh, and this time _he_ rolled his eyes. The spoon landed at the beast’s mouth.

Charlie grabbed the spoon, lips sealed tight, and flicked the food directly into Lucifer’s face.

This time the laugh from the woman he loved was not stifled in the least.

“So that’s how this is going to be then is it?” Lucifer growled. 

Without thinking, and just because the night had been just that poor for him, Lucifer grabbed some of the food, and slapped it into the child’s face.

Instead of angering the child, this punishment just delighted the creature more. He grabbed some of the goop up and smashed it straight into Lucifer’s hair

“Why you little…” Lucifer grabbed more of the substance and-

“What are you doing?!” Chloe asked. 

Lucifer paused looking at her. “Detective, this creature-”

“Put the food down Lucifer,” she warned.

He hesitated.

The creature fisted some of the goop, and threw it towards the Detective. It landed squarely between her eyes. 

“Bah!” Charlie squealed in delight. Perhaps there was something to this urchin.

It was Lucifer’s turn to laugh. “It would seem that it has learned a thing or two from Mazikeen,” 

Chloe stared at him, a piece of the chicken slowly floated down her nose. A look of vengeance crossed her gaze, and in a fleeting moment, she shot another piece of the goop towards Lucifer.

Charlie squealed in delight, as food began flying everywhere. Before long, they were all wearing the meal that the Detective had so elegantly made.

Lucifer and her sat next to each other on the floor, delightedly content, laughter still bubbling between them in spurts. Caught up in the moment, she drew him into a kiss. He didn’t fight it, instead leaned into it. All the stress from before evaporated and time took a delightful pause. He got caught up in her taste, the feel of her lips smiling under him, and the way she pulled herself closer, savoring it all just as much.

“Gavlah!” another piece of the food landed on both of their heads, ruining the moment.  
She pulled out of the kiss, flush with desire. “We still haven’t fed him,” 

He sighed into her neck, wishing to forget the wretched creature. “How much longer must we watch him?” he whined.

“It’s only been just over an hour Lucifer, Linda and Amenadiel deserve a break, come on, it's only for tonight,” 

He pulled away from her, there was a softness in those pristine blue eyes of hers. “You’re not expecting this to become a regular occurence?” Worry coiled in his chest.

“No,” she said, kissing his cheek. “This will be a one time thing, I promise. I can hook them up with some babysitters I’ve used in the past if they need someone else again. Now come on, we have to get him to eat,”

“ _I_ do,” Lucifer kissed her once more before standing.

She chuckled. “There’s no getting through to you is there?” 

“A deal’s a deal Detective,” 

“Yeah, one I made, not you,” she stood up, placing a hand on his arm as he proceeded to load the spoon.

“My brother saw my name Detective, he’s counting on me to take responsibility,”

“I’d never use you like that intentionally you know,” guilt weighed in her gaze. 

His stomach churned in sympathy for her. “I know,” he said softly. 

Her smile was soft. “I love you,”

“And I, you,”

“Logu!” Charlie happily cackled back.

“Not you, incipient cretin,”

Rolled eyes and a shaking head followed that remark. “Now, like an airplane,” Chloe coached.

Lucifer closed his eyes with a heavy sigh. “Vrrrrrroooommm,” he said, trying to be enthusiastic, and failing.

But the food entered the wretched abomination’s food hole. Perhaps it was, at last, hungry. He did this embarrassing task several more times before the Detective told him he could stop. 

She passed him a sippy cup. 

Lucifer stared at it. “Surely the creature can drink like normal,”

“Do you want to give him milk from a regular glass?” The Detective wiped some of the greasy food out of his hair. 

He swallowed. “Fair point,”

“Mhmm,” 

He sighed. “Very well,” he began making the airplane noises again, before he heard her chuckle. “Detective?”

“You don’t need to do that, just give him the milk,” 

He sighed, “Well why didn’t you just bloody well say so?” he shoved the sippy cup in the child’s direction.

“No.” Charlie protested, turning away from the drink.

Lucifer froze. “Did it just… say something coherent?”

Chloe nodded. “He would know a few words by now Lucifer,” 

“You mean this monster can communicate, and all I’ve heard are babbles and coos all evening?!”

“A f _ew_ words,” she corrected. “No is pretty simple, and he probably hears that a lot,”

Lucifer shrugged. “Very well,” he placed the sippy cup on the counter, and grabbed some towels to clean up the mess.

“Lucifer, Charlie needs his milk,” Chloe complained. 

“It said no Detective,” he wet the cloth, and started wiping himself down, knowing that he’d have to have another shower now that there was some goop in his hair.

“So you’re using that argument again?!” her arms crossed, her gaze drew into that annoyingly determined one that she knew always worked with him.

“Well yes, the creature doesn’t want it, and I don’t want to fight it, problem solved,” the cloth landed on the floor, and he proceeded to swiped it around with his bare foot.

“Babies don’t ever know what they need, Lucifer, it’s our job to provide it to them,” she grabbed the cup and shoved it back in his face. “Give him the milk,”

He sighed, eyes falling to the nasty beast, before relieving the cup from her grasp. “Very well,”

He pushed the cup towards the urchin once more. 

“No,” it repeated, moving its face away from the drink.

Lucifer growled, low and deep in his throat. “Just drink the bloody milk so we can move on with our night,”

“No,” it repeated. 

On the ‘oh’ sound, Lucifer managed to force the sippy end into the creature’s mouth. He tipped the cup, and the urchin began to drink. Its little fingers wound around the exterior of the cup, and it soaked in the flavor like an alcoholic enjoying the first drink of the morning.

Once the cup felt well and truly emptied, he pulled it away from the monster and placed it on the counter. 

Chloe was smiling. 

He ignored her and proceeded to clean up.


	6. Bedtime Stories

They spent the evening cleaning themselves and the child off after the food fight fiasco that had happened to her savory dish. Instead of giving the child another bath, Lucifer simply wiped the goop off of the creature. The Detective assured him that Linda and Amenadiel could give him another bath if they so desired. 

They took turns showering themselves, to allow for the other to watch over the crawling beast and ensure that it did not injure itself. While Lucifer looked over it, he watched it destroy the remote control to the TV, and play near the electrical outlets. 

The Detective screamed when she returned from upstairs. But Lucifer assured her that the creature knew better than to electrocute itself, before he left for his own shower. 

Upset that he had to change clothing yet again, Lucifer reluctantly chose to slip into those Dad-awful gray sweatpants he’d accumulated while dating Eve. For some strange reason, the Detective expressed an attraction to them, so he’d chosen to keep them, only at her home. Disposable as they were, he hoped that after tonight he would have a good excuse to finally do away with them if the urchin found a way to destroy them.

When he returned to the pair, he caught sight of the Detective going through some old picture books that were now tucked away on a shelf that often went untouched. Her eyes turned away from the books to look at him.

“It’s about 8 now,” she informed. “That’s always when I used to read to Trixie until she’d fall asleep. Come here a minute and help me pick something out for your nephew,” 

He smiled. “Wasn’t there this book called ‘Go the F-’”

“I don’t own it, and we’re not reading that,” she growled. 

He smirked, loving that he could get her riled up with something so simple. “Come now, Detective, I believe Samuel L Jackson read it, we could even pull it up on the tele, I’m sure the creature would have a right good time-”

“We’re reading to him Lucifer. And Charlie’s a he not a ‘creature’, not an ‘it’, a ‘he’.” she let out a long exhale. “Now come over here and help me pick out something,”

He sighed and came up next to her. She flipped through each book one at a time. There was one entitled “Chicka Chicka Boom Boom” that was about letters on a tree? There was one titled “Are You My Mother?” that was about a little tiger cub asking a bunch of other filthy creatures if it was their mother. As if dumb animals wouldn’t even know their own parents. Another depicted a rainbow colored fish with one very shiny scale. Then there was a whole host of ridiculous Dr. Seuss books. He’d met Mr. Guisel during the World War, and briefly mentioned it in passing, not wanting to recount much of that time. Finally he pulled out a book on the end of the shelf. “Where the Wild Things Are” by Maurice Sendak. There were creatures on the cover art that reminded him of some of the foul creatures he’d seen in Hell, albeit far cuddlier, particularly the bear looking one.

Chloe’s eyes fell to the book, and she put the others away in a hurry. “Oh that’s a classic. I think you might like that one actually,” 

He cocked his head in morbid fascination.

“Come on, Charlie’s still in his stroller, let’s get him out, give him his bottle, and start reading,”

She took his hand, and guided him back to the living room. He followed, still staring at the picture of a kid in a white bunny suit.

When they arrived in the living room, Chloe indicated the stroller, while she fetched out the bottle. 

“Didn’t the creature already drink Detective? Must it have more?” 

The creature babbled near him, bounding up and down while its arms were raised. Lucifer ignored it.

“Linda and Amenadiel are trying to wean him off the bottle Lucifer. This is baby formula, what he had earlier was cow’s milk. He has to learn how to drink from a cup, so the tastier milk is only in that, whereas the stuff he likes less is here. But, yes, he needs more. Now get him out and get settled on the couch while I go heat this up,”

Lucifer sighed, the creature raised its arms once he gazed at it again, this time it seemed weary, like it was half awake. Oddly, Lucifer could sympathize. It had been a very, very long night, and Linda and Amenadiel could not arrive fast enough. He plucked the creature out of its imprisonment, and proceeded towards the couch, taking a seat, while holding it back from squirming out of his arms. One hand was on the thing’s head, the other around the torso.

“Bala!” it wailed.

“Stop fighting,” 

“Fwagaah!” 

“I said, stop-” it bit him, and it hurt. Lucifer growled. “Bloody hell what was that for!”

“Thwa!” 

“If you would only make sense!” his hand met the creature’s forehead, and he rocked the little cretin back while it fought to sit up.

“Lucifer?” Chloe strode back in, bottle in hand. “What in the world are you doing?” 

“It bit me Detective!” 

She set the bottle down, and repositioned Charlie in his arms. The creature settled quickly. “You weren’t holding him right. Now,” she handed the bottle off.

He took it, frustrated that she knew just how to make the creature behave. Why hadn’t she done anything of the sort earlier? Did she enjoy watching him struggle? But that wasn’t surprising, she’d seemed to enjoy everything regarding the filthy urchin. He held the bottle toward the child, and instead of spouting no and refusing it,, the thing gladly took the bottle, little hands wrapping around it, as it sucked on the nipple, eyes closing in contentment. It looked so small and fragile.

Beside him, the Detective reached for the book, opened to the first page and waited patiently for the bottle to be fully digested. He’d pause a bit, to allow the creature breath, but compared to the other tasks that night, it really took no time at all. Lucifer placed the bottle on the table, being careful not to shift the little monster too much.

“Where the Wild Things Are!” she started, with that gooey, far too sweet tone in her voice. She managed to grab the child’s attention, and it looked towards the book bleary-eyed, but listening.

She opened the first page. There was some very illustrative art depicting the boy in that white unitard. 

“The night Max wore his wolf suit, and made mischief of one kind, and another, his mother called him ‘Wild Thing!’” Chloe read. Her timber was smooth and even.

Lucifer busted out laughing.

She gave him a death glare, shutting him up instantly. 

Charlie was stirring from the vibration that had been caused by the laugh. Right. The goal was to coerce the creature into slumber so they could finally be free of it. He remained quiet, watching the Detective’s magic at work.

She continued the nonsensical story, with that same calming timber in her tone. The child in the story somehow managed to sail to a far off land and become the ruler of those odd demon-like creatures on the cover. He recognized the similarities to his own history. The way the mother of the story had cast him away, and he went to find himself in a place full of fierce creatures. The child commanded them, but never felt like he belonged. 

The story continued, Lucifer listened as the child in the story partied with the creatures, punished them, then decided to return to those whom he loved, much as Lucifer had months ago. And here was where he wanted to stay, curled up beside the woman he loved, hearing her soft voice, feeling the pleasant warmth of her company. Everything else slipped away as he began to dream about her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Brokenjaw for the story suggestion!


	7. Goodbyes

Chloe closed the book, to a sleeping infant. She smiled, remembering fondly the days when Trixie used to go to bed that simply. Her heart ached at the memories, and the knowledge that her little monkey had grown ever so quickly. She would be a teenager soon, and all of that innocence would only survive in her memories.

“We did it,” she whispered softly, looking up to find her partner well and truly asleep himself.

His long arm was wrapped around her, Charlie asleep in his lap. 

Chloe smiled. The baby had won after all, she knew it wouldn’t even be a contest. Regardless of how disturbed he seemed around his nephew, Lucifer loved him in his own way. There were few members of his family that would even speak to him, let alone trust him as much as a baby would. She hoped that in the future they’d continue to have this positive relationship. Lucifer was a good uncle, much as he’d never admit to it. 

But she also knew never to push this on him again. If he wanted to watch Charlie, she’d wait for him to ask, otherwise she’d set the infant up with another sitter, or make sure he had other plans the nights she’d watch him. But now, in this moment, she felt all of the devil’s love. 

She pulled out her phone carefully, and snuck a picture, wanting to preserve this moment for rough days at the office when he wasn’t looking. After the task was done she curled up in his warm embrace and enjoyed a nap herself.

Amenadiel and Linda arrived at nearly 9:30. All three of them jumped at the sound of the doorbell. 

Lucifer hesitantly moved Charlie from his lap, acting as if he would throw up or explode. The devil stood, dusting himself off, and tried to appear as if he’d never let his nephew close in the first place. Chloe tried to hide a smile, knowing it was all an act. Her heart warmed affectionately at the sight of him pretending not to notice her gaze.

She answered the door, as he returned Charlie to his stroller.

“I’m so sorry we’re late!” Linda nearly howled. “Is he okay? Did something happen? Was he hurt? Was he good?” the questions came out in bursts, as if the tiny psychiatrist had been concerned the whole time. 

Amenadiel held her closer, pointing to Charlie. “There he is, see? I told you that you worry too much,”

Chloe wanted to laugh at all the ways Lucifer nearly killed his nephew, but kept her lips tightly sealed.

“Oh, of course, you’re right. I’m sorry, I just…”

“I know,” Chloe smiled, remembering the nights she’d tried to sneak away with Dan only to ruin them by thinking about her little Monkey back home. “I’ve been in your shoes,”

Linda smiled, more at ease. “Thank you so much for watching him Chloe,”

Chloe hesitated. “Actually, it was Lucifer who did all the work,”

Linda, and Amenadiel turned their gazes, eyes drawing wide, unable to comment on that.

Lucifer looked between them all awkwardly. His cheeks grew redder as he tried to posture, puffing out his chest, standing tall, trying his best to look irritated.

“Why is it such a surprise?” he asked. “You had my word after all. And who am I if not a devil of his word?”

“Well… Chloe sent the message, Lucifer,” Amenadiel pointed out. “Obviously,”

Chloe walked up to Lucifer, and wrapped him in one of her arms as a show of support. “And yet he still kept his word,” she gazed up at him, feeling the tension ease from his breath.”And did a great job of it too,”

“Gaba!” Charlie squawked before following it with a yawn.

“Well… thank you Luci, if you ever want to watch him again,”

“Your welcome, now will you please take your offspring off our hands so that we may get on with our evening?” he scoffed, and drew away from Chloe. But the fact that he didn’t outright reject the offer wasn’t unnoticed by her.

“We’ll go. Thank you Lucifer,” Linda said. 

Lucifer waved from his place on the couch. As they turned to leave, his dark eyes met Charlie’s one last time before Chloe closed the door. 

She smiled.

“What?” Lucifer asked.

Knowing how fragile his ego was, Chloe said nothing about the fact that he seemed like he’d enjoyed the night. Instead, she curled up beside him, burying her face in his simple cotton nightshirt. 

“I’m just happy,” she said.

He wrapped an arm around her, and squeezed her closer.

“As am I Chloe,”

She held him, breathing in his scent, embracing his warm presence, until sleep found her again. She dreamed of the life they had now, of waking up next to him every morning, of all of the squabbles and frustrations they’d face, and all the ways that the devil himself could possibly show her how deep his love was for her. Even if it meant facing his worst fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the lovely comments and kudos! I'm really glad all of you liked this story! I have more fluffuary coming next week!


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